May 242012
 

Boundaries create your known unique expression as an individual.

Boundaries are invisible lines that you create for yourself and others. Personal boundaries will help you avoid being taken advantage of, or manipulated; they serve to protect your emotional and mental well-being, while creating a separation on who you are and what you think and feel from the thoughts and feelings of others. This is a part of your self-awareness and it is something you can create and build upon. By focusing on the development of your personal boundaries you will also strengthen your emotional intelligence.

Having said that, I also must say that creating boundaries are multi-dimensional they come in all forms, shapes and sizes. In this quick guide we are only going to dip our toes into the vast subject of boundaries, by talking briefly about Relationship boundaries, Self- boundaries, and Life purpose boundaries.

Relationship Boundaries

What are relationship Boundaries?  Relationship boundaries are shaped to express your thoughts and feelings with another person and thereby, developing a mutual respect; which allows you to show your personal identity.  These boundaries have emotional and physical limits that describe what’s currently acceptable to you. These limits are created consciously and subconsciously by you; through your feelings, and past and present life’s experiences.

Developing healthy balanced relationship boundaries are necessary for you to feel empowered, safe, and loved by the people around you. Your feelings are your guide to understanding your physical, psychological, and spiritual, elements of the self.  Let’s take a quick look at the questions below and then explore a few of the questions in greater detail.

Ask yourself;

  • Do I sometimes go against my own personal values to please others?
  • Do I let others define who I am?
  • Do I expect others to fulfill my needs?
  • Do I feel guilty saying No?
  • Do I hesitate to speak when I disagree with someone?
  • Do you feel like I should not change my mind because I will disappoint others?
  • Do I feel it is ok to end a relationship that is not working for me?

Let’s dig in!

 

Do you feel guilty saying No?

Being able to say no can be hard for some people, mainly because they feel guilty for saying it. Learning how to say no is a social skill; you need to be able to do it without feeling guilty. Keep in mind, there are many ways to say no that do not have to hurt others. The best way I have found, is to have a legitimate reason why I can’t. The reason protects you from feeling guilty and helps you too justify in your mind why you have to say no. Being able to say no is an important step that protects your boundaries.

Do you expect others to fill your needs?

This is a tricky one, because sometimes it is hard to see yourself in this light. But it is the one thing that can ruin so many relationships because consciously you might say “No, I do not except others to fill my needs,” but subconscious you do. By creating more self-awareness within, will help you to figure out where your expectation lies.

Whenever you expect something from someone else emotionally, like love, trust, or compassion and they do not deliver the way you expect them to, it can leave you feeling empty and lost. The only way to avoid this is to give yourself what you believe you need from others. By doing so you will be able to express your feelings and protect your boundaries which will move you toward emotional wholeness.

Do I hesitate to speak when I disagree with someone?

If you have a hard time speaking up for yourself, than you should ask yourself, why. More than likely you are afraid of something, it could be that you don’t like confrontation, you are afraid of being wrong, you do not have enough self-confidence, or you feel like you can’t express yourself clearly. Learning how to speak up takes time, but by just becoming aware of it you will be able to take small steps to overcoming your fear of speaking up for yourself.

 

When you are in the process of developing strong and healthy relationship boundaries you are going to have to work on:

Self-love– Self-love is the key to your self-worth; you have to believe that you are worthy of more.

Emotional intelligence– Grow your awareness, learn how to manage your emotions, broaden your social skills  

Feelings-Your feeling are the best way to establish healthy boundaries; the easiest way to do that is to first recognize how you feel when your boundaries are crossed?

Communication Learn how to communicate effectively this will solidify healthy relationship boundaries.

The best way to understand your relationship boundaries is to think about each and every person that is close to you and then read over the questions again and this time answer them as you think about a specific person in your life. This is important because chances are you will find out that your relationship boundaries are not all created equal which means you may allow some people in your life to walk all over you and others you do not.

Relationships thrive when “healthy boundaries” are put into place by, creating mutual respect, genuine love, and ultimate trust. By developing healthy boundaries you will truly be living the life of your authentic self!

 

Self boundaries

Having boundaries for your self is extremely important if you want to get the life you want.

Remember; what I said in the beginning of this quick guide, that we will only be dipping our toes into this very complex subject? Good, because for this quick guide I will not be discussing sub-personality’s in great detail, but you must understand that within the self, there are several sub-personalities that can and will control your life and not always for the better!

These sub-personalities can have a different agenda about what you should be doing with your life and how you should do it. That is why you need to take the time and explore these personalities by listening to that little voice inside your head. You will find amazing strengths you did not know you had and weakness that have been holding you back. But, for now, let’s take a quick look at the questions below and then explore a few of the questions in greater detail.

 

Ask yourself;

  • Do I allow myself to become over emotional?
  • Do I allow myself to over indulge in things that I know are not good for me?
  • Do I love myself completely?
  • Do I make choices that reinforce a healthy life style?
  • Do I get disappointed in myself easily?

Let’s Dig In;

 

Do I allow myself to over indulge in things that I know are not good for me?

Ok, I am sure we all do this, the question is; do you do this to the point where you are sabotaging your life? A little indulge is ok, but not if it is standing in the way of your goals, it’s time to rethink about how you can create healthy boundaries to stop being over indulgent. The best way to do this is to ask yourself why, why do I need this? Why do I think this is going to bring me happiness? Once you start asking questions, allow yourself to listen to your inner-self speak, by noticing the first few thoughts that come into your mind.

Do I get disappointed in myself easily?

Again; we all experience disappointment in ourselves but it is not something you want to feel on a regular bases. It is really easy to become too hard on yourself to the point where you damage your confidence and disrupt your internal momentum.

The way I avoid self-disappointment is to believe that there is a reason for everything in life, even disappointment, and then I focus my attention on letting go. I know; letting go is not as easy as it sounds, most of the time you have to force yourself to let go and if the feeling resurfaces, use affirmations to let go again. You may have to do this over and over again until you let go completely, but it is worth it.

Ok one more;

Do I allow myself to become over emotional?

Emotions are great but, becoming over emotional can trap you into negative feelings about yourself and the world around you, which will lead you in the wrong direction for getting the life you want. The best way to stop yourself from becoming over emotional is to first become aware that you are becoming over emotional. One you can recognize it you can use EFT the emotional freedom technique or affirmations to bring yourself out of an over emotional state.

Keep it cool!

You may, easily feel a certain defiance when you are in the process of creating healthy boundaries within yourself. This is because of those sub-personalities I mention above one in particular is the inner-child. When you feel defiance arise within you it is definitely your inner child.

Sometimes it is easier to create healthy boundaries for others in your life, but when it comes to developing healthy boundaries for yourself it can be more difficult.

 

When you are in the process of developing strong and healthy self-boundaries you are going to have to work on:

Build strengthen– Bring awareness into your life and this will be your watch dog for sensing when things are not right within. If the inner-child is getting out of control, the best thing to do is to get tough with yourself and set limits.

Set goals– Start small if you need to, but set yourself goals in life. Even if you’re retired and living on a topical island, you can still create goals that reflect a healthier mind, body and spirit.

Develop skills Use techniques that release emotions safely and effectively such as EFT, affirmations or EMDR these types of therapy’s work magically to healing the inner-self. This will automatically bring empowerment and positive change to the self-boundaries.

Be still– Self-boundaries can be easily understood by taking a journey in-word. The best way to do this is to meditate, journal, and allow yourself to be open and honest.

Take a moment and read over the questions again, think about the inner-child is she or he over-indulgent or dis-empowered what are some things you can put in place right now to build a stronger self within, while also exploring the world around you.

Your boundaries are your guide, helping you make choices that benefit your authentic self as they guide you through your life.

Let’s move on,

 

Life Purpose Boundaries

Everyone wants to know what their life purpose is and to be very honest with you, your life purpose is not always easy to figure out, mainly because, it can and does change throughout your life. The good news is you do not need a crystal ball to know your life purpose, because; once you establish healthy boundaries within yourself and with others in your life, you will walk the path of your life purpose automatically.

I know my life purpose has change and shifted throughout my life and I can definitely say without a doubt, that I am on my path to discovering my greatest potential.

How do I know this?

Because; I strive to continually learn and grow with every breath I take. Ok, not with every breath, but I don’t just sit around watching TV or playing online video games. I keep very busy by harvesting new ideas and continually adjusting what I need to change in my life, in order to make it better!

 

Ask yourself;

  •  Do I feel like I express myself freely?
  • Do I dream about the imposable?
  • Do I feel like I can make big changes in my life?
  • Do I feel confident?
  • Do I protect my goals?

Let’s Dig In;

 

Do you feel like you can express yourself freely?

When you can freely express yourself you can dream about the impossible. Are you able to connect with the people closest to you in your life by sharing your goals and dreams or do you feel like you cannot?

Being able to share these ideas and thoughts with others is important if you truly want to achieve them. The fact is you do need support in your life, even if that support is only the freedom to express yourself and have others listen to you. 

Your life is your own! Feel free to express yourself; if you don’t, you may end up feeling like you can’t dream about the impossible, and sometimes you need to dream about the imposable to get the life you want.

Do you feel like you can make big changes in your life?

When you reach for “the good life” it is all about making the impossible, possible!

My mother told me I would even go to college, she said, “college is only for rich people.” Maybe that was true in her mind but in my mind anything was possible and I was not afraid to make big changes in my life to get it. After she told me this I instantly protected my personal boundaries connected to my life purpose by saying, to myself, “I can do anything I want!” Then I proceeded to figure out how poor people when to college and I made it happen.

Think about what you need to do to get the life you want and then look at your life purpose boundaries associated with it.

When we think about boundaries we normally think about lines we should not cross. But sometimes we should cross them in order to explore ourselves more deeply and to make our experience of the world bigger. Once you cross a boundary it will just reset itself around that new experience.

 

When you are in the process of developing strong and healthy self-boundaries you are going to have to work on:

Dream Most of the time I talk about goals but it is important to have the freedom to dream as well. Dreams may never turn into goals and that’s ok, they are important because they help you explore an extension of the self by broadening your boundaries.

Self confidence Knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way will help you to take a risk. Risk is necessary to explore your life purpose boundaries; without risk you will stay stuck in auto play and never really feel like your life is important.

Be open You need to be opened in order to make changes in your life. By being open you will also see new opportunities to grow yourself awareness thus, broadening your life purpose boundaries to fit your life.

Explore don’t be afraid to explore your life purpose even if you have to try a bunch of different things in life. Whatever you try in life you will always add to your life experience which will inherently expand the self.

Take a moment now and read over the questions again and think about your life purpose do you have boundaries in place that allow you to express, protect and be open to life’s possibilities? Think about your past achievements, goals, and dreams. How did you express and protect them? Are there things that you would like to have done differently? What is the #1 thing you can do today that will change the course of your life and move you closer the getting the life you want?

Boundaries come in all different shapes and sizes as a said in the beginning of this quick guide, below is a list of things to think about as you create healthy boundaries that support the life you want.

Your Happiness -are you truly happy with the way you feel about your life and what direction it is going in?

Your Trust– What kinds of boundaries to you have in place to expand your trust while also protecting it?

Your Ethics– How do you defend your morals and at the same time allow yourself to have compassion for other points a view?

Your Beliefs– How do you protect your beliefs and still allow yourself not to hind behind them?

Your Values– What are your values and do your boundaries support them?

Your Integrity– What types of boundaries do you have in place that builds integrity within your relationships.

Your Relationships– Look at all of the people in your life and ask yourself am I taking good care of myself when I interact with this    person? Where do my boundaries feel weak?

Your sub-personalities– How do you feel about your boundaries within the self are you too hard or too soft on yourself.

Your life purpose– Do all of your boundaries support your life purpose? Do you feel confident to explore new experiences and take risks allowing your life to grow and expand your awareness?

“You will have boundaries that deal with every aspect of your life. These boundaries will shape your life and push you forward or hold you back!”

Resources:

Exercising Your Right To Choose

Empowerment In Relationships

Visualize The Possibilities

Thank you for stopping by my website I hope you enjoyed this article on creating healthy boundaries. Please feel free to leave me a comment below and share your thoughts and feelings on creating healthy boundaries I would love to hear from you!

Have a strong and healthy day

Namaste

 

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