Three Ways to Empower Yourself

When you’re feeling unsure of yourself or your capabilities, your options in life can seem few and far between.  Not only do you have trouble recognizing opportunities to improve your life, you also resist taking action and end up feeling stuck and defeated much of the time.

Empowering yourself is a simple matter of switching your perspective and choosing to believe that you are not powerless or stuck.  For example, you may currently have a perception that you’re not talented or resourceful.  Such a belief will keep you locked in a cycle of fear, futility and inactivity because you won’t see the point of trying to improve your life, or you’ll be too afraid to try.

Regardless of the perceptions and beliefs that may be holding you back, there are specific things you can do to transform them and embrace more empowering beliefs.  Below you’ll find three easy ways to help you switch your perspective from disempowerment to empowerment:

1) Challenge your limiting beliefs and fears.  The most difficult thing about perceptions is that they appear to be undeniable truth in your own mind.  For example, you may have held a belief for years that you’re not good at a particular task or activity, but when you begin to explore that “truth” later, you realize that you never gave it your full effort or didn’t allow time to fully master it.  Once you do, you realize that you’re capable of much more than you ever suspected!

In order to fully empower yourself, get into the habit of questioning and challenging any limiting beliefs, fears and doubts that come up about you or your capabilities.  Are they really true?  Why do you think so?  Have you ever tried to prove them wrong?  By asking questions like this and being willing to expand your perceptions, you quickly realize that you are the only one holding yourself back!

2) Affirm your strengths and capabilities frequently.  Along with disempowerment usually comes a belief that you’re weak and powerless, which is simply another perception!  Begin changing this perception by affirming frequently that you are strong, powerful, talented and capable.  Build up yourself up with encouraging words and thoughts and you’ll begin to believe in yourself more and more each day.  Over time, this belief continues to grow and you’ll be able to do things you never would have believed you were capable of before. 

3) Take action.  Feeling disempowered usually causes you to hold back on taking action, either because you’re frightened, or because you believe it’s futile to try to change anything.  Your first impulse might be to wait until you’re feeling stronger before you take action, but did you know that taking action can make you feel stronger?  That’s right, taking action can empower you!

Be willing to take action in order to build up your confidence, even if you have to take very small steps.  Come up with one small action you can take, push your fear aside and then go for it!  Then keep that positive cycle going by taking small action steps and moving forward bit by bit, and eventually you’ll realize that you are anything but weak and powerless!

Self-Love Empowers You

When you think of personal empowerment, you probably think of qualities like strength, confidence, courage and tenacity – but did you know that self-love is also an important aspect of empowerment?

When you truly love yourself . . .

• You treat yourself with respect and kindness.  You set firm boundaries in your life, you devote time and attention to proper self-care, and you consider your personal time to be a high priority.  Feeling loved and cared for automatically makes you feel more balanced and strengthened from within. 

• You expect fair treatment from others too.  No longer do you find yourself settling for less than you deserve or allowing others to take advantage of you.  Instead, a strong level of self-love gives you the courage to stand up for yourself.

• You have a greater sense of self-awareness and self-knowledge.  Loving and accepting yourself helps you to feel more connected to your authentic self, which inspires confidence and assurance in who you are.

There are many more ways that self-love can help you feel more empowered, but more important is knowing how to begin loving yourself.  If you’ve spent the majority of your life feeling negatively about yourself it might seem like an impossible task to suddenly bring forth feelings of genuine self-love, but it’s probably easier than you think!

First and foremost, it’s important to spend quality time alone on a regular basis so you can get to know yourself.  You can explore and discover your interests and passions, indulge in some favorite hobbies, write your thoughts and feelings in a journal, or simply dream and plan for your future.

Make time to relax and do the things you love.  Listen to uplifting music, read great books, stimulate your creativity by exploring your artistic talents, or take classes on topics that interest you. 

Nurture yourself as often as possible.  Go easy on yourself when you’re not feeling well, and pamper yourself when you feel the need for a little comforting.

Buy nice things for yourself.  Speak kindly to yourself.  Romance yourself!  Take long walks on the beach and gaze up at the stars at night.  Buy a beautiful greeting card, write an encouraging note inside and mail it to yourself.

Most importantly, be sure to look at yourself in the mirror every day and say, “I love you.  You’re a great person and you deserve the best that life has to offer.”

All of these activities are simply suggestions, of course.  Follow your heart and do what feels right to you.  As long as you’re doing things that make you feel loved and cared for, you can’t help but feel happy, fulfilled and empowered!

Knowledge is Power

Part of being an empowered person is having intimate knowledge and awareness of yourself as an individual, including your strengths, talents, weaknesses, capabilities and limitations.

How well do you know yourself?  You’d be surprised how many people don’t know themselves at all!  If you’ve spent the majority of your time focusing on the people around you, you may not have a clear self-image, which can lead to feelings of inner disconnection and dis-empowerment.

On the other hand, when you know yourself well you are empowered in that knowledge.  You feel confident, self-assured, centered and strong, which enables you to live purposely and make more beneficial decisions.

Getting to know yourself is easy to do with a consistent investment of time and focus.  Basically, you’d start just like you would if you wanted to get to know another person better – you’d spend quality time with them!  By spending frequent quality time with yourself, you’ll gain a clearer idea of who you are.

Start by considering your interests and passions.  Grab a sheet of paper and jot down some of the things you enjoy doing now, or have wanted to explore in the past.  If you’re not sure, think about the things you did when you were younger.  Have you always had an interest in creative activities like art and photography?  Did you belong to any clubs in school?  Have you always wanted to take foreign language classes or travel to exotic places?

Eventually you’ll want to devote time to exploring these activities because they’ll help you to grow more fully into yourself as a person.  However, for now simply explore your dreams, passions and interests on paper.

It’s also a good idea to get an idea of your personal values using this same process.  What is most important to you?  Honesty, love, compassion, service to others, family connections, making a positive difference in the world?  Jot down some ideas about the things that really matter to you.  Through these values you’ll get a clearer idea of the type of person you are.

Eventually you’ll want to be sure that the majority of your daily activities are in line with these values.  For example, does your job support your value of honesty, or are you required to “fib” or act in ways that are contrary to your values?  This is important because you will never feel truly empowered until you are living in alignment with your core values!

Another great way to get to know yourself better is through journaling.  When you journal, you are connecting with a deeper part of yourself: your authentic self!  Start by writing down some of your inner thoughts and insights about yourself.  If you’re not sure exactly what to write, try asking questions like these:

• Who am I?

• Why am I here?
• What is my life purpose?
• What am I here to contribute to the world?
• What do others think of me?
• Is that who I really am?

Don’t worry about getting the answers right – the important thing is to explore your personality and get a clearer idea of who you are.  Open your mind and let the answers spill out onto the page.

Getting to know yourself is a process that will continue throughout the rest of your life, but the more connected you become with your inner self, the more confident, self-assured – and empowered – you’re going to feel.

How to Set Personal Boundaries

Living your life as an empowered person often requires the placement of boundaries – invisible “lines” across which you will not allow people or events to infringe upon your time or resources.

When you have clear inner boundaries in place, you know where you stand and you’re able to make decisions that support and nurture you.  These decisions may include refusing extra obligations that you do not have the time or desire to fulfill, keeping a greater distance between you and people who tend to drain your energy, or insisting that others respect your personal time.

A disempowered person will usually find it difficult to set boundaries because they don’t feel that they have the right to do so, or the strength to stand firm in their decisions.  Does that describe you?

If so, read on for some simple and painless ways to set firmer boundaries in your life:

1) First, understand that you have the right to set boundaries.  This can be difficult if you struggle with low self-esteem or self-confidence.  You might hesitate to set boundaries because you’re afraid that people won’t like you, or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings by refusing their requests for help.  However, more often than not your own feelings will be hurt if you don’t set boundaries!  You’ll find yourself agreeing to do things you really don’t want to do or don’t have time to do, and you’ll run yourself ragged trying to please everyone.  Setting boundaries involves learning to love and respect yourself, and your time and resources.

Get into the habit of affirming your own value and worth, and strengthen your belief that you deserve to live a calmer, more peaceful life.  Be committed to caring for yourself first, and then helping others as time allows.  Remind yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about not saving the world – do what you can and feel good about it.

2) Build up your courage.  Learning to say “no” can be scary, but it’s important to believe that you have the strength and confidence to stand firm in your decisions.  One good way to become more courageous is to understand that nothing bad will happen if you refuse extra obligations or favors that someone asks of you.  Will they be disappointed?  Probably.  Will they stop speaking to you or get angry with you?  Probably not.  Except in extreme circumstances, most often the person will simply move on and ask someone else for help.

If you do happen to receive a strong negative reaction when saying no, ask yourself if it really matters to you?  That may sound harsh, but you have to eventually realize that it’s not your job to make life easier for others – especially when doing so makes life more difficult for you!  A person who gets angry about your unwillingness to help is probably a person who has gotten comfortable using you as a doormat.  In those cases it’s best to nip the problem in the bud before it takes over your life.

3) Be firm, but nice.  One of the reasons you may hesitate to say no is because you think it will make you look “bitchy” or selfish – but that can be avoided by finding a pleasant way to say it.  Rather than saying brusquely, “No, I won’t help you with this,” you could say apologetically, “I’m really sorry, but I just can’t do it at this time.  Maybe another time?”  The majority of people will understand and not be upset.  However, if you do receive resistance, that is the time to become more firm in your answers.

One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is learning to be firm with yourself!  You may be tempted to overextend yourself to help others, even when you know it wouldn’t be in your best interests.  When that temptation arises, you’ll have to be able to override your desire to please and do what you know is best for yourself.

Forgiveness and Empowerment

One stumbling block that can prevent you from feeling empowered is the inability to forgive – both others and yourself.

Disempowerment often contributes to a self-image of weakness and powerlessness, which makes it difficult to forgive others for hurting or betraying you – or forgiving yourself for allowing it – because you believe that forgiveness means accepting or condoning the poor treatment.

However, forgiveness is necessary if you want to become an empowered person!  Why?  Because a truly empowered person knows that nothing can detract from their strength and value, including hurtful words and actions by others.  In order to release the pain of the past and move into a confident new future, learning how to forgive others and yourself is vital.

Below you’ll find two simple exercises that will help you to forgive:

Forgiving others.

First, try working on forgiving the people who have hurt you in the past.  These people might be your parents or guardians, previous (or current) romantic partners, friends, bosses, co-workers, or anyone else who has treated you with less respect and kindness than you deserve.

Start by writing out the things they did and how they made you feel.  Now, call up a mental image of each of these people in turn.  Tell them mentally how their words and actions made you feel.  Express your hurt, anger, rage, sadness, pain and anything else you feel or felt at the time.

Then, mentally say something like this to each of them, “Even though you hurt me, I choose to forgive you now and release any pain I still carry in my mind, emotions and body.”

Understand that by forgiving them, you are NOT affirming that their actions were acceptable.  Instead, you are choosing to release the negative effects those actions had on you and your life.  There’s a big difference between those two mind-sets!

Know also that forgiveness may take time.  You may have to go through the exercise several times before you truly begin to feel like you can let it go.  That’s okay, just keep doing it and eventually you’ll begin to feel stronger.

Forgiving yourself.

It can often be more difficult to forgive yourself than others because poor self-esteem often goes along with disempowerment.  You may feel that you don’t deserve forgiveness; or believe that you’re a terrible person who deserves to be punished.

However, using the same process as described above can help you to learn to love and forgive yourself and release any feelings of self-hatred.  Begin by writing down any memories of times you belittled or hurt yourself.  Also, take another look at the things you wrote about others and ask if you played a part in the hurt that resulted from those situations.

Then begin working on forgiving yourself.  Acknowledge that you did the best you could at the time, but now you are choosing to forgive yourself and move on.

Once again, this process will take time and consistent effort before you’ll see lasting changes.

When you truly commit to forgiving others and yourself, you are able to let go of emotional baggage and move confidently into a better future feeling lighter, calmer and in greater control of your life – which equals empowerment!

Exercising Your Right to Choose

When it comes to making decisions, a chronic sense of disempowerment often results in feelings of helplessness or hopelessness that can affect the choices you make and determine your quality of life.

When you live your life as a disempowered person, you often feel like the majority of your life experiences are out of your control.  You allow other people or events to determine what you think, say and do; how you spend your time, and even the general direction your life takes.

Transitioning from disempowerment to empowerment is a simple matter of realizing that few things are truly out of your control when you exercise your right to choose.

Below you’ll find three tips for building a stronger sense of empowerment through conscious choice:

1) Realize that you always have choices.

It’s easy to feel like you’re powerless in certain circumstances, but powerlessness is most often a perception, not a fact.  Even if you’re incapable of physically altering a situation, you at least have the power to choose your outlook, attitude and reaction to the things that happen to you.

More often when you believe you have no choices, you’re really saying that you don’t like the choices you do have.  But that’s very different than not having choices at all!  When you affirm that you have no options, you contribute to a sense of powerlessness that can cause you to act in destructive ways rather than seeking a more balanced solution.

2) You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

Have people in your life ever made you feel like you have to go along with their decisions in order to keep peace?  This is common in controlling relationships, but even healthy relationships can experience decision-related conflicts.

True empowerment is having the strength to make the decisions that are right for you, even if others don’t always agree with them.  When other people will be affected by your decisions it’s a good idea to work cooperatively with them, but you may also be tempted to allow others to influence decisions that involve only yourself.  Most often this is done in an attempt to avoid conflict or disagreement, but it doesn’t serve you in the long run.  When it comes right down to it, you are not responsible for keeping anyone happy other than yourself, and you can empower yourself to make the choices that are right for you – regardless of what others may say or think about them.

3) You are in charge of your own happiness.

Just as you are not responsible for others’ happiness, neither are they responsible for yours!  Disempowerment can often make you believe that you are reliant on the words or actions of others for your sense of happiness and contentment, but this type of attitude only keeps you stuck in feelings of helplessness.

Instead, use your power of choice to do the things that will make you happy.  These decisions might relate to your work, residence, relationships and more – and they may not be easy decisions to follow through on.

However, just knowing that you have to make the choices that are right for you or live forever dissatisfied is usually enough to provide the courage to affect positive change.

Empowerment in Relationships

Personal empowerment often plays a big role in the quality of your relationships because of the beliefs and behaviors you express in your interactions with others.  If you’ve ever expected a relationship to somehow “complete” you or make you feel strong or whole, you probably experienced disappointment and frustration as it seemed to cause bigger problems in your life.

There are several reasons why personal empowerment is important in relationships:

1) Other people sense the way you feel about yourself and treat you accordingly.

Have you ever noticed that other people seem to pick up on subtle cues and reflect your own beliefs back to you?  For example, if you lack confidence, you’ll often find yourself encountering aggressive or intimidating people who seem to exacerbate those feelings.  If you don’t have a healthy level of respect for yourself, you’ll probably encounter plenty of people who don’t respect you either.

This is no accident!  People tend to sense your inner beliefs based on your demeanor and body language, and gear their behavior to match.

When you’re empowered and strong, you communicate that essence to others, and others will treat you as such, resulting in healthier relationships.

2) You’ll notice in others the things you dislike about yourself.

Have you ever heard of “projecting” your own perceptions and beliefs onto others?  A lack of self-love within yourself will often cause you to believe that others don’t love you either.  A lack of confidence in yourself will attract people that you struggle to place your confidence in also!

When you are empowered and confident, you’ll end up attracting others who both see you that way and embody the same qualities themselves.

3) You’ll constantly look to others for reassurance and validation.

When you don’t feel empowered or confident, you’ll constantly seek reassurance and validation from the people around you.  Rather than feeling self-assured, you’ll appear to be needy and insecure, which will place a drain on your relationship and push others away from you.

Remember that empowerment is an inside job!  You need to give yourself love, respect and confidence first if you want to also receive it from others.

Fulfilling and satisfying relationships require that both partners are empowered and balanced before entering into them.  When you empower yourself from within, you bring a stronger element of genuine love, respect and intimacy to your relationships and stop seeking validation from outside sources.  Ultimately, this ensures that your connections with others will be deeper, richer and more meaningful.

Empowerment and Fear

Do you ever allow fearful thoughts to erode your confidence and diminish your sense of empowerment?  It’s a common trend for many people, and when you’re stuck in the midst of fear and uncertainty it can seem like an impossible task to pull yourself out of it.

However, fear and empowerment are actually like two opposite sides of the same coin.  On one side is the belief that you are not strong or capable enough to handle challenges or life in general; while on the other side is the certainty that you are fully in control of your own life and have the power to triumph over adversity.

Transforming fear to empowerment is as simple as flipping the coin so it lands on the other side!  The “coin” in this example is a little thing called “perspective.”

In order to release fearful thoughts and become empowered, you need to be willing to see yourself and your life circumstances in a different light.  Here are three easy ways to start:

1) Start small!

Many people believe that in order to empower themselves they need to have massive amounts of courage and inner strength, but that usually comes later.  Instead, be willing to start small and empower yourself more gradually.  Start with one small action that makes you feel nervous and nudge yourself to move forward and do it.  As you face your fear and master one small challenge, you’ll begin to feel stronger and be willing to take on more, which will continue to build your strength and empower you.

2) Affirm your strength.

Fearful thoughts often cause you to doubt yourself, which creates more fearful thoughts!  To reverse this, begin affirming that you’re strong and capable as often as possible – and most especially when you begin to feel disempowered.  Affirm not only your strength and capability, but your flexibility, resiliency and resourcefulness to handle anything that comes your way.  The more you affirm it, the more you’ll begin to believe it.

3) See the unknown as a good thing.

Fear of the unknown is one major factor in feeling disempowered.  You’ve likely gotten used to seeing the “unknown” (anything you haven’t encountered before) as a bad thing, with dangers and pitfalls lurking around every corner.  Most often you don’t even know why you feel fearful, you just believe there is reason to feel that way!  However, if you instead shift that perception to one of optimism and enthusiasm for the unknown, you’ll feel less threatened and develop the willingness to do and dare more.

When it comes right down to it, empowerment is usually nothing more than a choice; being willing to believe that you are stronger than any challenge or difficulty that arises.  The more you focus on releasing fearful thoughts and strengthening your belief in yourself, the less intimidated you’ll feel by outer influences.

Empower Yourself with Positive Self-Talk

The way you speak to yourself mentally and verbally has a powerful impact on your self-image.  Berating or belittling yourself, minimizing your achievements or doubting your capabilities will most definitely create a sense of disempowerment, limiting your potential in virtually every aspect of your life.

On the other hand, positive and encouraging self-talk will contribute to inner strength and self-respect, which will drastically alter the way you see yourself and your potential in life.

Self-talk is like a recording that constantly plays in your mind, and much of the time you’re unaware of it because it occurs on a subconscious level.  The messages you receive from this recording can include limiting beliefs that were formed throughout your lifetime, as well as negative or derogatory input from your present environment.

The good news is that these recorded messages CAN be changed!  It’s even quite simple to do, but requires commitment, determination and consistent effort.

Below are a few simple ways you can use positive self-talk to change your mental recording and empower yourself:

Build yourself up.

If you’ve gotten used to tearing yourself down, you may not even notice how harshly you speak to yourself – but you’ll find yourself feeling sad, frustrated or guilty without understanding why.

To turn this around, you simply need to begin making a conscious choice to build yourself up as often as possible.  Get into the habit of speaking encouragingly and expressing positive thoughts about yourself.  For example, rather than saying, “Oh, you are such an idiot!” when you make a mistake, say, “Hey, that’s all right, everyone makes mistakes!  Next time you’ll do better.”

Look at yourself in the mirror daily and find three positive things to say about yourself.  You can compliment your physical features, personality traits or accomplishments – but be sure they are genuine compliments because your subconscious mind will know if you’re “lying.”

Most importantly, make it a daily habit to speak to yourself like you would a good friend who is in need of support and encouragement.  You’d never say horrible, mean things to them, so don’t say them to yourself either!

Cheer yourself on.

Rather than dreading a difficult task and doubting your capabilities, become your own best cheerleader!  When you’re getting ready to tackle something challenging, take a few minutes to scream and shout mentally that “you can do it; you can do it; you can do it!”

Also, be sure to regularly praise yourself for a job well done.  These don’t have to be big accomplishments – just something to which you gave your best effort.  For example, you could say to yourself, “I’m really proud of the way I handled that rude customer.  I kept my cool and remained professional while I handled the problem.”  Or, “I’m so proud of myself for finishing that project before deadline!  Now I’ve got a couple of hours I can devote to myself, and I definitely deserve some downtime.”

Love, love, love yourself.

We often have the perception that self-love will happen naturally once we change something about ourselves (like losing weight or achieving a goal) but self-love has to come first!  Begin expressing love for yourself exactly as you are on a regular basis.  Love yourself not for the things you’ve done or plan to do, but WHO you are.  Love your uniqueness, your personality, your character traits and everything else that makes you who you are.  The more you love yourself, the stronger and more positive you’ll feel about your life.

You may feel silly following some of these suggestions at first because they’re likely different from the way you normally treat yourself.  But the more you work with them and focus on having fun with them, the more effective they’ll be in erasing those old, negative messages and replacing them with more positive, empowering messages.

Build Your Strength

When it comes to personal empowerment, feeling strong and grounded is crucial.  Without a perception of yourself as strong and resilient, you’ll find yourself cowering in the face of challenges; feeling intimidated by other people, and weighed down by your own fears and insecurities.

A strong person, on the other hand, knows that he or she can handle life’s challenges and triumph over any adversity.

There are four key areas where strength needs to be built in order to fully empower yourself:

Mental Strength.

Mental strength includes qualities such as clarity, focus, determination and positive self-image.

Are you confident, self-assured and proud of who you are?  Do you know exactly where you’re headed in life and exactly how to get there?  Do you feed your mind with positive fuel each day and push yourself to move beyond your comfort zones?

If not, you’ll want to start building your mental strength by developing a stronger focus and transforming limiting or negative thoughts.  Your thoughts form the basis for your life and determine the way you see yourself in the grand scheme of things.  Make it your mission to strengthen your mind, change unproductive habits and improve limiting perceptions.

Emotional Strength.

Emotional strength pertains to your level of resiliency, flexibility and your beliefs.

How well do you handle the stress of life?  Do you tend to take things personally?  Do you cringe when someone says something negative about you?  Are you easily upset by minor conflicts?  Are you afraid to assert yourself?

Emotional strength is all about being tough and resilient in the face of adversity – being flexible enough to bend without breaking, in other words.  A good place to start is by making yourself feel loved and valued on a daily basis.  A strong foundation of self-love and respect will help you to feel stronger, but it will also reduce your need to seek validation and acceptance from others.  Also important is gaining control over your emotional state by choosing not to allow external influences to upset you.  Avoid taking things personally and learn to become more self-contained, impervious to situations that threaten to upset your emotional balance.  Finally, get into the habit of stepping back emotionally and challenging beliefs that don’t serve you.

Spiritual Strength.

Spiritual strength is all about feeling connected and balanced on a deeper level.

Do you have a regular spiritual practice that you engage in daily or weekly?  Do you feel connected and guided by a power greater than yourself?  Do you feel like your life has meaning and purpose?

This has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with your own perception that there is more to you than your physical body.  It doesn’t matter which religion you practice (or if you practice none at all) – it matters only that you choose to believe that there is a reason for your existence and you feel supported and loved by a power greater than yourself.  Spend time in daily meditation or visualization to help foster a deeper connection between yourself, the universe, and others.

Physical Strength.

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